turnipville dot comarooski

Yah, so I’ve managed to really piss off some family members. Don’t get me wrong, I tried pretty hard to prevent it…but I’m not sure that even Yoda was strong enough with the force to avoid this.

Nevertheless, I didn’t realize just how pissed they were until I was removed from their Facebook.

Un-freaking-canny.

And it’s not un-freaking-canny because it’s crazy for them to do so. It’s UFC because it probably upset me more than any of the other gestures. Removing someone from your Facebook is like saying, “not only am I pissed, but I can’t stand to see your face (status updates), and I have no intention of seeing it again.”

If this type of clarity came in pill form, its name would probably end with *cillin.

I’m a consumer of music in the way that my rottweiler is a consumer of Kibbles ‘n Bits canned dog food: I devour it, keep just a little bit, and leave the rest of it in the front yard (typically right where guests walk when coming to the door, causing me to say things like “watch our for land mines”).

I consider it good fortune when I land upon a band whose nutritional value doesn’t land them in the yard, and right now I’m on cloud nine. That’s right, the Sick Puppies’ Dressed Up As Life gets it done for me. These guys – hailing from Australia – are/were big fans of Silverchair (the other token Australian superstar group)…which immediately makes them cool.

Give this album a few listens, and you’ll find yourself rocking your stockings. Here’s my breakdown, track by track:

• My World – a great way to open the album, with a hard-hitting chorus and some uber-sensitive lyrics about loneliness
• Pitiful – this chorus has some amazing falsetto thrown in the mix, and when coupled with the rocking, fuzzy nature elsewhere, is unstoppable
• Cancer – my second favorite chorus on this album, and the best transitional guitar riff this side of the Great Choral Reff
• What Are You Looking For – another catchy chorus, solid verses, well-crafted filler song
• Deliverance – rock it; If you don’t like balls in your music, pass on this one.
• All The Same – the token power anthem, and one hell of a song. I find myself belting out the words to this song at maximum volume, every time
• Too Many Words – another solid filler song; good chorus, great intro riff, fun head bopping
• Howard’s Tale – great bass riff, and a wonderful tempo change between the bridge and the chorus
• Asshole Father – the song that will catch you off guard; it starts soft and beautiful, and catapults into an aggressive chorus that actually uses the word “asshole”…gasp
• Issues – this is the low end of the album; I just can’t get into this…the main riff is a let down, and the song just doesn’t get going for me
• Anywhere But Here – sing along in the beginning, then get ready to throw down; big hits, great transitions
• The Bottom – here’s where the band messes around for a while; it’s fun to listen to, and will grow on you after the first two or three go arounds

If you’re bored, I’d encourage you to go check these guys out on YouTube. They’re fun to watch, their music is top notch, and they have a chick bassist. What could be cooler than that?

It’s occurred to me before that going in on an investment/vacation home with buddies might be a good idea; but what about this notion of fractional ownership? I stumbled on this site earlier today – a family offering for sale their fraction of a townhouse in southern France – and was interested by the notion. You simply own a portion of the house, which entitles you to a portion of the responsibility/income/usage.

Man, I could sure go for a property in France that I could retreat to for a few weeks a year. Actually, one in Spain might be even better.

Anyone have any extra cash? Turns out there are a ton of places like this.

I wonder if you get fractional ownership of the maid…

I believe that the best part of Christmas is the season itself. I’ve been known to get just a tad depressed once Christmas Day comes and goes, as it means that the previous weeks’ hullabaloo has gone the way of last week’s prime rib.

Not surprisingly, there is a school of you out there who believe that Christmas is really about gifts. Your ring leader is my three year-old daughter. [Note: I'm really surprised you guys elected her for a second term, after last year's chocolate milk on the teddy bear fiasco.]

I can appreciate the importance of gifts, and I take no issue with the exchange, its central role in the Christmas season, etc. What I will not tolerate for another season, though, is the “Look at what clothes I got for Christmas” day. This is the day that occurs on the first working day following the Christmas holiday, and I’m officially a non-participant.

It’s no secret that if you ask me what I want for Christmas, I’m likely to say “socks,” or “cargo pants,” or “polo shirts.” If people are lining up to buy me things, then why not have them buy me things that I need? This proves effective 99% of the time, and the drive home from my parents’ house is usually executed in a car with seventeen blind spots – one for each angle of my mirror that’s blocked by gifts.

But wearing your brand new gifts to work/school/bar on the first day after the holiday is simply tacky. It’s unacceptable. Nothing says “look at how great my family is, unlike yours” better than a brand new pair of jeans.

“Wow, I like those jeans…are they new?”
“Yep. Do you like them?”
“They’re great.”
“Speaking of which – where did you get those cuff links?”
“Ah, Christmas gifts.”
“Ha! My jeans, too!”
“Ohhh, ho ho!”

Think of the patriotism you could show by boycotting “Look at what clothes I got for Christmas” day, and working instead of discussing your new rags.

Join me, brothers and sisters, in keeping your new Christmas clothes in the closet until – that’s right – two days after Christmas. It’s time for a change.

Election results are in…

Originally uploaded by Turnipville.

Sent from my mobile device.