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I’ve had the pleasure of attending a few promotions/graduations over the last couple of weeks, and there’s one thing that’s become quite clear to me:

All student graduation speeches sound the same.

Quite frankly, the real tragedy is the amount of time graduating seniors at all levels are spending on these speeches…because it’s all been said before. Wouldn’t it be great if students could just be given their speech? Why not? After all – time is money, right?

As a gift to all students (prospective, current and otherwise), allow me to present my "One-Size-Fits-All Graduation Speech." Available options are bracketed, and can be inserted in any quantity (as appropriate).

Dearest [friends, family, instructors, dignitaries, professors, Class of XXXX, distinguished guests, Mr./Ms. Commencement Speaker]:

It is such a [fantastic, unbelievable, flattering, outstanding] [honor, privilege, opportunity] to speak to you today, as we [celebrate, commemorate, congratulate, share in, rejoice for] the graduation of the Class of XXXX.

We made it! (pause for obligatory cheering by classmates)

[Two, four, six] years ago, we arrived at [Generic School] as freshmen, [intimidated, frightened, confused, scared, unmolded, inexperienced] in the hallways, wondering how to get to [Mr./Ms. Random Instructor's] class. At that point, we’d never have guessed that we’d end up having some of our most [exciting, memorable, funny, endearing] moments in those hallways…

But here we are: [adults, graduates, professionals, men/women], ready to embark on our next [adventure, journey, trip]. We’re looking forward to what’s ahead, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t recall some of the things that we’ll all [cherish, treasure, remember, hold on to] from the last [x] years.

(Pick three or four, with details) There were [class elections, funny teacher incidents, dances, senior ditch day, sports activities, talent shows, natural disasters, deaths, difficult courses, mid-terms, final exam week, standardized tests, social milestones (driver's license, drinking age, etc.), internships, anecdotes].

And we did all of those things together. Whether we were all best friends, or remote acquaintances, we’ll always share a special bond. We are the [Class of XXXX], and we will always be the [Class of XXXX]. Many of us will fall out of touch with one another, but many of us will have [enduring, life-long, unbreakable, lasting, meaningful] friendships, forged in the [difficulties, trials, challenges, hardships] that made us graduates.

While we may someday be [lawyers, doctors, engineers, firefighters, police officers, teachers, business persons, nurses, architects, etc.], we’ll always be [Generic School Mascots].

The world’s waiting for us…but it’s not the world we’ve come to know over these last [x] years. There will be new [challenges, hardships, difficulties, trials, responsibilities] coming our way in the years ahead. But we’re [prepared, ready, well-equipped] to face them – thanks to the education and guidance of our [professors, instructors, teachers, counselors, etc.]…and thanks to each other.

I’m going to miss [Generic School], and I’m going to miss you (pause for obligatory emotional overload, wipe face as needed). But I [march, walk, run, stride, stroll] into the future, knowing that I am a [Generic School Mascot], and that there isn’t anything I can’t do.

We owe our thanks to the [professors, teachers, counselors, etc.] for preparing us here at school, and we owe our thanks to our [parents, families] for supporting us. We will make you all proud.

Congratulations, [Class of XXXX]…we did it!

Tags: graduation speech, graduation, promotion, ceremony