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I’ve begun to take note of an interesting phenomenon in the last few weeks.

You can let people talk themselves into submission/regret/apology…if you’re patient enough.

It’s not often that I’m at a loss for words, but it happened the other day. One of my co-workers had approached me, clearly upset about a decision I’d made. He immediately began his rant, pointing out how I’d made his life more difficult, why my actions were inconsiderate, how he didn’t have time for this, etc.

Technically, he was right; but it was one of those “unavoidable inefficiency” situations, and I wasn’t sure how to best break it to him.

So I just kept quiet.

And he kept talking.

He talked so long, that by the time he’d finished talking, he’d come full circle and had begun identifying (conveniently) the reasons that I’d probably made the decision.

The way I figure it, people are accustomed to some sort of response when they’re being antagonistic. It’s human nature, it would seem. But consider what happens if you don’t respond. You’ve disarmed them; their anger/frustration isn’t being fueled by your response, but is being doused by your silence.

It’s amazing what people will cycle back to, when given an uninterrupted opportunity to vent. It was so successful my first time that I’ve tried it a few times since…all with superb results. All of my attempts have not only resulted in my not having to engage in an argument, but have ended with the other’s apology.

In a roundabout sort of way, this is intuitive. If you’re extremely passionate about something, you might follow up a short rant with a question like: “How do you propose to fix this?” That form of question demands a response. But what if you just rant? You’re liable to run out of things to “point out,” and you start looking for filler; after all, silence is uncomfortable.

Give it a shot. The next time someone’s unjustifiably unloading on you, let them go. Don’t respond unless specifically asked to respond.

You might just find that they’ve lost an argument with themselves…