A general commentary on the things that are strange, uncomfortable, or worthy of mockery while riding an airplane.
- The “window shuffle.” This is a situation that simply can’t be avoided, and is easily demonstrated. The next time you’re on an airplane, and in a seat other than the window seat, sit forward just a little in your seat and look out the window. While this phenomenon works especially well when you’re in the middle seat (or immediately adjacent to the window seat), it’s effective on the aisle side, too. Now that you’re looking out the window, watch the person sitting in the window seat. Watch for them to make eye contact with you, wondering if they’re looking at them…then watch them turn and look out the window, just like you. Having someone staring directly past your face is not only uncomfortable, it’s just plain impossible to tolerate…apparently.
- The “We’re at the gate, now stand up” game. This one doesn’t take anything from you to simulate. Just ride the plane, and pay attention once the plane is at the gate. As soon as the plane stops, and the seatbelt light comes off, heads up: 60% of the plane’s occupants will unbuckle immediately, and stand up. There’s another three or four minutes before the doors will be open, and they know it…but that’s not going to stop them. What’s even better? Half of those 60% are actually stooped over uncomfortably because they’re not in an aisle seat…
- The “five-pound bag” game.” Somewhere deep in my psyche there lied an assumption about carry-on baggage. I always assumed that the dimensions of your standard overhead compartment were published, standardized and well-known within the “luggage industry.” [Note: I can't attest to there actually being an industry here, as opposed to a random collection of companies who make bags.] You can see that assumption of mine proven wrong, in real-time, every time you’re on a plane. Try and get on the plane early so that you can watch the rest of the passengers stroll aboard with their “carry-on luggage.” Take note of the number of bags that are lifted into the overhead with the wheels facing the aisle, then immediately rotated 90 degrees because the bag is too long/tall to allow the compartment door to close. What remains is absolutely hysterical: a bag taking up half of the width of an overhead space, while allowing about 5″ of space in front for someone to use. That remaining space works really medium-weight winter coats; I’d encourage you to bring one and test my theory here…I know I’m right. You can squeeze at least one jacket in the remaining space.
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