A general commentary on the things that are strange, uncomfortable, or worthy of mockery while riding an airplane.

1. The “window shuffle.” This is a situation that simply can’t be avoided, and is easily demonstrated. The next time you’re on an airplane, and in a seat other than the window seat, sit forward just a little in your seat and look out the window. While this phenomenon works especially well when you’re in the middle seat (or immediately adjacent to the window seat), it’s effective on the aisle side, too. Now that you’re looking out the window, watch the person sitting in the window seat. Watch for them to make eye contact with you, wondering if they’re looking at them…then watch them turn and look out the window, just like you. Having someone staring directly past your face is not only uncomfortable, it’s just plain impossible to tolerate…apparently.
2. The “We’re at the gate, now stand up” game. This one doesn’t take anything from you to simulate. Just ride the plane, and pay attention once the plane is at the gate. As soon as the plane stops, and the seatbelt light comes off, heads up: 60% of the plane’s occupants will unbuckle immediately, and stand up. There’s another three or four minutes before the doors will be open, and they know it…but that’s not going to stop them. What’s even better? Half of those 60% are actually stooped over uncomfortably because they’re not in an aisle seat…
3. The “five-pound bag” game.” Somewhere deep in my psyche there lied an assumption about carry-on baggage. I always assumed that the dimensions of your standard overhead compartment were published, standardized and well-known within the “luggage industry.” [Note: I can't attest to there actually being an industry here, as opposed to a random collection of companies who make bags.] You can see that assumption of mine proven wrong, in real-time, every time you’re on a plane. Try and get on the plane early so that you can watch the rest of the passengers stroll aboard with their “carry-on luggage.” Take note of the number of bags that are lifted into the overhead with the wheels facing the aisle, then immediately rotated 90 degrees because the bag is too long/tall to allow the compartment door to close. What remains is absolutely hysterical: a bag taking up half of the width of an overhead space, while allowing about 5″ of space in front for someone to use. That remaining space works really medium-weight winter coats; I’d encourage you to bring one and test my theory here…I know I’m right. You can squeeze at least one jacket in the remaining space.

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4. The “seat swap swing.” On a plane that’s not overbooked, you have a prime opportunity to see the “seat swap swing” in action. All it takes here is for one person to attempt to grab an empty seat – other than their assigned seat – as a quick improvement…before the doors shut. That’s right, trying to grab an empty exit row seat before the doors shut is one of the quickest ways to create an uncomfortable environment; the person who owns that seat is boarding late, and will spend a few seconds questioning themselves (self-esteem issues), will then look at their ticket, the seat numbers, back again, to the thief, at the ticket, and back up before saying something like “Uhhh, is this seat 11C?” Awkward.
5. “The peep show.” Though I can’t attest to ever having actually seen this maneuver executed, it’s sure to draw some excitement. Arguably, it’s the simplest move to master: simply load up some porn on your iPhone, plug in your headphones, and jump into the plot. It’s unclear what the flight attendants will say or do in a situation like that, but you can bet that they’ll be involved once the mother of the 14 year-old girl in the seat next to you sees what you’re watching. Typically, only movies with more than two x’s in its title will qualify.
6. The “worker bee.” Even simpler to observe than the peep show, the “worker bee” happens on every flight, in every country in the world – guaranteed. Watch for someone who pulls out their laptop and boots it. Presumably they’ve got some work to do, or they’re going to watch a movie. If it’s a movie that they watch, there’s no “worker bee” there. However, if they spend some time opening the start menu, browsing random file folders, or (and this is the perfect execution) playing Solitaire, you’ve got a “worker bee.” The simple fact is that they don’t know what to do with their laptop, but they’ve got one, and they’re going to let you know. If only their company realized that they’d dropped $1799 on a very nice card table…