I believe that the best part of Christmas is the season itself. I’ve been known to get just a tad depressed once Christmas Day comes and goes, as it means that the previous weeks’ hullabaloo has gone the way of last week’s prime rib.

Not surprisingly, there is a school of you out there who believe that Christmas is really about gifts. Your ring leader is my three year-old daughter. [Note: I'm really surprised you guys elected her for a second term, after last year's chocolate milk on the teddy bear fiasco.]

I can appreciate the importance of gifts, and I take no issue with the exchange, its central role in the Christmas season, etc. What I will not tolerate for another season, though, is the “Look at what clothes I got for Christmas” day. This is the day that occurs on the first working day following the Christmas holiday, and I’m officially a non-participant.

It’s no secret that if you ask me what I want for Christmas, I’m likely to say “socks,” or “cargo pants,” or “polo shirts.” If people are lining up to buy me things, then why not have them buy me things that I need? This proves effective 99% of the time, and the drive home from my parents’ house is usually executed in a car with seventeen blind spots – one for each angle of my mirror that’s blocked by gifts.

But wearing your brand new gifts to work/school/bar on the first day after the holiday is simply tacky. It’s unacceptable. Nothing says “look at how great my family is, unlike yours” better than a brand new pair of jeans.

“Wow, I like those jeans…are they new?”
“Yep. Do you like them?”
“They’re great.”
“Speaking of which – where did you get those cuff links?”
“Ah, Christmas gifts.”
“Ha! My jeans, too!”
“Ohhh, ho ho!”

Think of the patriotism you could show by boycotting “Look at what clothes I got for Christmas” day, and working instead of discussing your new rags.

Join me, brothers and sisters, in keeping your new Christmas clothes in the closet until – that’s right – two days after Christmas. It’s time for a change.

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